The car was parked outside the apartment. It was running, kicking up in fits and starts, coughing out exhaust that trailed out a slow, hazy path. It was an old thing, but it still worked, which was just about the only reason why she was here. If it finally had the sense to die, she could have had an excuse, and she’d have no way of showing up.
Sarah shivered.
“Cold?”
Sarah looked over to her left. She smiled, nervously.
Hazel eyes stared back at her. They were usually so… mischievous, not unlike a cat about to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse, or even a ball or yarn. It bugged her to see them filled with such concern.
Sarah glanced ahead to the street. The break from her gaze didn’t last long, the urge to meet it again became too alluring.
Black hair, parted down the middle, exposing her forehead and reaching just past her neck. Lips just a dash deeper than pink, the color only really noticeable when contrasted against her pale complexion.
Not exactly goth, but goth inspired. A lot of black and even more accessories, but still presentable to those weren’t as fashion conscious. A thick grey flannel, a shirt sporting a metal band’s logo, with sharp, branching lines that extended out in every direction, and loose denim pants with rips in them.
Sarah would have preferred if she had went without the fishnet stockings, peeking just past the rips. But… whatever. They were here already.
She looked into those eyes again. No, that look was still too much for her. She searched around them, instead. The round frames of her glasses, the thin line of maroon that gave her eyes a deeper definition. All the more alluring, all the more unlikely that she could contain herself and not reach for her and-
Sarah swallowed.
“Freezing, Celeste,” Sarah finally answered. “I’m freakin’ freezing.”
Celeste gave a grin, her eyes shifting to match the expression. Smug. Mischievous. That feeling like she was being pulled along by a string. She tried not to mind that feeling so much.
“If you ask nicely, I can warm you up.”
Sarah raised an eyebrow.
“How nicely?”
Celeste made a purring noise. Along with the running engine, it made for a sensation that Sarah could feel.
The engine sputtered. A reminder that this thing might not last for much longer.
“If you have to ask,” Celeste said, still playful, “Then there’s nothing I can do for you.”
Sarah pouted. She wanted to play along.
“There’s always such a thing of being too nice. I just want to know where that bar is set.”
That only made Celeste double down, pulling on that string between them.
“Why don’t you take a guess?”
A challenge. She was up for that.
If it means not having to go outside just yet.
Sarah answered that challenge, not with words, but by leaning over the console between the seats. Tilting her chin up by an fraction. If she lost her balance and fell into Celeste, she didn’t care. Part of her kind of wanted that to happen.
Sarah inched closer, almost too close, almost too nicely. She pushed it, just a little bit more.
Celeste didn’t budge, keeping that smugness about her. One way or another, Sarah was going to get that look off her face.
She aimed for her lips.
“Whoa!”
Sarah jerked back, shaking her head. A hot gust of air struck her on the right side of her face.
Celeste took her hand off the knob, just below the car radio.
“Nice enough,” Celeste said.
“God, don’t do that,” Sarah said, rubbing her cheek. She reached over to adjust the knob again, so it wouldn’t keep blowing out hot air. “It’s going to fuck up the whole thing.”
“I thought you were freezing?” Celeste asked, already forgetting about it.
“Yeah, frozen in fear,” Sarah answered.
“What? Why?”
Sarah shot a look at her.
“You know exactly why. I haven’t seen my folks in two years. Haven’t talked to them for even longer.”
Since I left for college.
It was a touchy subject that she didn’t delve into a lot. She hadn’t even let Celeste in on all the details, just the broadest of broad strokes. She probably should have, now that Celeste was here, but part of her hoped that it wouldn’t have come to this, at all.
Even then, even now, she still didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t even want to think about it. Maybe, if she was careful, everything would go smooth, and there wouldn’t anything to explain.
Sarah sighed.
Celeste crossed one leg over another, so her knee was sticking out from the rip that was there. She circled her finger around the hole, picking at her stocking while she was at it.
“Is that the only reason?” she asked, her eyes down.
Sarah frowned, but Celeste wouldn’t have seen it. She didn’t.
“Me and my family, I mean, of course I love them because of course. I sort of have to. But… that doesn’t mean we can’t have, um, disagreements, and that definitely doesn’t mean that those disagreements can’t get in between us and keep that distance, um, there.”
“But there’s a reason why you’re here, now, right? To try and close that distance?”
Sarah made a face.
“The only reason why I’m here is because you wouldn’t stop begging to come with me. And, because you were willing to drive my shitty car over here.”
“Oh, is that so?” Celeste laughed, but she sounded a little hurt, having heard that. Sarah immediately regretted saying it like that. “I just wanted to meet them, is that so wrong?”
“It can go wrong, if you’re not careful.”
“So I’m a problem?”
Another regret. Sarah fixed her hair, tucking it behind an ear.
“No, you’re…”
She couldn’t find the word. It seemed like anything she could say might come across as an insult.
“A disagreement?” Celeste offered.
Sarah sighed again.
“No,” she said. “You’re my roommate.”
Celeste mouthed that last word, not actually saying it. She looked out to the window past Sarah, over to the apartment complex. It wouldn’t even take a minute to get there from the car, but that was enough to make it feel like an eternity.
“Ugh,” she sounded, not much of a pur. “Sure, I get it, I really do. It’s fucking hard as shit to come out like this, doubly so if you haven’t been home in a couple of years. But… yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything.”
Sarah felt that invisible string between them loosen. Celeste wasn’t tugging on it anymore.
“You’re not wrong to have expectations, I think. Ugh, I wish I had your parents. They’re cool.”
“The coolest,” Celeste said, eyes still to the window. “But they weren’t the coolest for the longest time. It took a little. But now… they’re cool, and that’s cool.”
“Cool,” Sarah said.
Celeste turned, facing Sarah directly. Her lips curved at the corners. It reminded her of a cat.
“But if we actually did have the same parents, there’d be a lot more we’d have to explain, and I don’t think they’d be cool about that.”
“I bet,” Sarah said. She smiled, still nervous. “But I love Rosa too much to make the switch.”
“She’s great, but you can keep her. Being an only child can have its perks.”
“In what ways?”
“You know, you get doted on, you get all the presents. You get your own room.”
“I wouldn’t know about any of that,” Sarah said. Having a sibling meant having scarce amounts of privacy, if any. She had no time to herself, and growing up when forced to share space with someone just a few years behind made those growing pains ache that much more. It was equal parts living with a best friend, and living with an actual monster.
But Sarah didn’t bring any of that up.
Celeste flashed another one of her trademark smirks.
“Now though? I much prefer having someone to share a room with.”
Sarah felt a warmth in her face. It wasn’t from the car.
“Definitely different from sharing one with my sister.”
“Again, a lot harder to explain if we had the same parents.”
“Can we not go in that direction again? Please?”
Celeste laughed. Completely genuine.
Sarah loved hearing Celeste’s laugh.
This… This wasn’t so bad. Sitting here, warmed up, just the two of them. It was all she really needed. It was all she really wanted.
It was the outside world, them, that she wanted to avoid. They were the others. Mom, Dad, if she let them inside, she was certain they’d break something. Somehow.
The car hiccuped yet again. Sarah sighed for the third time.
“What if I told you that a little bit of happiness leaves your body every time you do that?” Celeste said.
Sarah stared at Celeste. She opened her mouth and groaned, exaggerating it.
“And I thought I was the gloomy one,” Celeste said.
The car continued to rumble, continued to cough on occasion. It was as if the old thing was in its death throes.
“We’re still in here,” Celeste observed. “You want to keep choking the planet?”
Sarah had to fight the urge to sigh again. She didn’t want to make a habit out of it.
“It’s cold outside,” Sarah said.
“That’s not a good excuse to stay inside forever.”
“It kind of can be.”
“That wasn’t a real sentence.”
Celeste tapped the wheel, keeping her hands on it.
It would have been so easy – too easy – to ask Celeste to drive away, and Sarah could make up something on the way back home. Car broke down, the weather got too, the roads turned slick.
Celeste let her hands drop into her lap. Sarah felt her heart drop, too.
“It’s freezing outside,” Sarah said.
The hollow reverberations from the car was like static in the air.
“I know it’s hard,” Celeste said. “Believe me, I’ve been there. I totally, hundred- thousand percent get it. If it’s something you think they won’t be able to accept, then it can wait.”
“What if it never happens? What if this is the final thing that makes it, um,…”
It was hard to find the word right away. She hesitated.
“Final,” Sarah said, finishing the thought.
“Then that’s their loss, and they can go fuck themselves about that.”
Celeste didn’t apologize for her vulgarity. Sarah wouldn’t ask for it.
“I appreciate the sentiment. The mental image I can do without, though.”
“What I’m trying to say… it’s all up to you, Sarah. Your call. Whatever you choose, I am absolutely and unequivocally here for it.”
She always seemed to know the right thing to say, the right buttons to push. Sarah almost loved her for it, if it didn’t come so easy for Celeste. It made Sarah feel like she was just a toy to her, something that could be pulled by a string and be moved along, accordingly. A kind of connection that only really went in one direction. A feeling she didn’t mind so much, but…
It was there.
It was a thought she only had in passing, but it was there. It came and went. And sometimes, it gave her pause.
Not today, though. Today, she liked that someone else was with her, in this. Someone else could hold her down. Pull her out if it got too bad.
It wouldn’t be fair to her family, it wouldn’t fair to her if she didn’t even try.
The window by her side fogged up. She had looked in the other direction without realizing it.
Another breath, another bit of happiness gone, according to Celeste’s theory.
Sarah talked, listlessly, “You’re awesome, you know that?”
“Oh, I know, but it’s nice to hear that without you screaming it in my ear for once.”
Sarah turned, jaw dropped, and reached over to smack Celeste in the arm.
“Oh my god, fuck you!”
Celeste gestured over to the general direction of the apartment.
“Sure, but your fam is expecting you, and these things aren’t tinted.”
Her jaw dropped lower. One more smack to the arm for good measure.
“Ow,” Celeste said.
“Freak,” Sarah said, but she might as well be speaking to a mirror, in that sense. And she was done with the self-deprecation, the self-harming.
Closure. That was why she was here. With or without Celeste, she’d get that. One way or another.
She held her breath.
The door cracked open. A chill crept through her.
Celeste turned the key in the ignition. The car was finally allowed to rest.
“Let’s not keep Rosa waiting,” Sarah said.
“Yes!” Celeste cheered, opening the door on her side.
They both stepped out, the cold folding around them like a hug they didn’t want.
Sarah looked to the apartment complex.
Celeste went around the car. Sarah wandered over to her side.
“Lucky,” Sarah said, “You’ve already graduated. If they weren’t pitching in for my tuition, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Keep feeding yourself bullshit,” Celeste said, bumping into Sarah, “No one’s going to want to ever get close to you.”
Sarah couldn’t help but smirk. If she tried to fight it, she’d probably look really stupid.
Instead, she rested her head on Celeste’s shoulder. Their fingers intertwined.
A split-second decision, but it didn’t feel wrong. Far from it. And if it didn’t feel wrong here, it might not be so bad there.
Right?
Sarah hoped.
“It’s a good thing I have you, already,” Sarah said. She squeezed Celeste’s hand, giving a soft sway. “You can’t go anywhere.”
“Ha. Don’t tell me you’ve gotten comfortable. Never forget, I have you.”
To illustrate her point, Celeste shifted her hand, fingers still together with Sarah’s. With her index, she traced some letters across the palm of Sarah’s hand. ‘I’ and ‘U.’
The sensation wasn’t unlike electricity going up one arm, bursting through the rest of her body.
Point taken.
“Yup,” Sarah said, resigned, not minding it as much as before. “By a string.”
As a pair, they started walking into the direction of the apartment. The walk was made a little easier, now that Sarah had someone she could lean on.
—
The door swung open, revealing several people that had already gotten started. Standing around, relaxing, beers in hand.
“Sarah’s here!”
She waved, pushing herself off the edge of the door frame she was leaning on. She came by herself.
“I am!” she said, cheery as she usually presented herself. She stepped into Casa Martinez, taking a quick scan around.
It didn’t take Sarah long to find who had called out to her.
Reggie and Tone were hanging around by the bar in the back of the restaurant. Reggie waved back, and Sarah started to make her way over there.
There was a small gathering of people between her and her friends, but she maneuvered through them without a problem. There wasn’t a reason to expect anything different. The overall vibe was pretty chill.
“Hey,” Sarah said, as she joined Reggie and Tone.
“Happy New Year,” Tone said, flat. “Do people actually say that?”
Tone passed Sarah a beer, sliding it across the bar to her. She caught it, taking a sip. Bitter, but refreshing.
Sarah let out a breath, smiling a little.
“You can say that,” she said.
“Still got a couple minutes before it’s official,” Reggie said.
Leaning against the bar itself, propping her elbows up, Sarah took another sip.
“God, hard to believe another year is about to pass.”
“Hard to believe we even made it through this one,” Reggie said. “Feels like this year was the start of the end times.”
“I take back my previous statement then,” Tone said, “Next year is probably going to be a lot more shitty.”
“Always the optimist,” Reggie said.
Sarah took yet another sip, tipping the bottle back a little higher.
“Damn, how fucked up are you trying to get before the year ends?” Reggie asked.
Pulling the bottle away from her lips, Sarah inspected the bottle, swirling the liquid inside. Three of what she considered to be sips, and there was only a few drops left.
She shrugged it off.
“I’m just trying to catch up to you guys,” she said. “Got here late.”
“Not that late, and this is still my first one.”
Reggie raised his bottle, showing that he only downed about half of it.
Tone interjected. “To be fair, this is my second.”
Sarah pointed at him. “See?”
“Yeah, but his girl can pick him up,” Reggie said. “And I arranged a ride for myself, too. How are you getting home?”
“I…”
She drove over here, parked in the back. She didn’t have that beaten up old thing, anymore.
The thought sobered her.
“I can take a taxi,” Sarah said, almost sluggish.
“Nah, how about we get this settled now before we forget about it later. Oh hey, we can talk to him about it.”
The trio all turned to where Reggie had indicated, watching as an imposing figure approached them.
Wearing a suit, but without the tie, the overall look was casual but still holding on to an air of authority. Standing somewhere between Reggie and Tone in height, he didn’t loom, but he definitely wasn’t someone to fuck with.
“What’s up?” Lawrence asked. He sounded somewhat distracted, as if he wasn’t expecting to be talking to the three of them. Then again, Reggie called him out as soon as he spotted their boss.
“Not much,” Reggie answered. “Great party by the way.”
“I’m not looking to bring the house down,” Lawrence said. “Mrs. Martinez will be coming in early to prep for the new year. So I don’t want anyone to get too crazy.”
“I wasn’t being sarcastic,” Reggie said.
Lawrence blinked. “Oh, right.”
“Anyway, we were just talking about rides. Sarah came without having designated a driver.”
Lawrence looked at Sarah. “You drove here by yourself?”
“Well, I mean…”
She couldn’t but feel like Lawrence was judging her.
Instead, he pointed to the people behind him.
“It’s fine, I accounted for that. I’ve got a few people here who are willing to drive anyone who gets too shitfaced for the wheel.”
Sarah set her bottle down. “Whoa, sir, I did not plan to go that far, tonight.”
Lawrence didn’t seem convinced. “Either way, you have options, and I suggest you take them.”
“How very responsible of you,” Tone commented.
Lawrence fixed his hair, slicking it back more. “Yeah, well, last thing I want is for any of you to get in trouble, or worse, get the police involved. The Ghosts are finally on an upswing, so the less chance of anything getting in the way of that, the better.”
“You’re really thinking ahead.”
“Call me paranoid, whatever, I don’t care. Just behave yourselves, and that goes for everyone.”
“Damn, we will,” Sarah said. “But, keep that up, and you won’t be able to enjoy your own party.”
“This is all for you guys, not me.”
Lawrence turned, his eyes searching across the restaurant. To the front door, it seemed like. No one was there, though.
“I’ll be around, if you still need anything from me,” Lawrence said, focus still somewhere else.
“And yeah, I’ll take one of your drivers,” Sarah said. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Alright,” Lawrence said, nodding. “There should actually be one more coming in soon, but… shit, I hate when people are late.”
“Definitely sucks!”
Lawrence nodded again, but he didn’t say anything. He just left, disappearing into the crowd.
“Interesting guy,” Tone said, then went back to finishing his beer.
“You’d have to be, in order to be in a position like his,” Reggie said.
“Somehow, I feel like he thinks he’s one of us,” Sarah observed. “Just a regular person.”
Tone laughed, setting his bottle down beside him. “Look where we are, Sarah, what we’re doing. We’re standing on the polar opposite of regular.”
Sarah and Reggie laughed along with him, but it wasn’t as spirited. As if to deflect and change the subject, Sarah smacked Reggie on the arm.
“The heck?” Reggie questioned, now massaging his elbow.
“Why’d you have to call me out in front of the boss?”
“I wasn’t calling you out, I was just looking out for you.”
“I would have been fine,” Sarah said.
“No, you’ll be fine now because we got it sorted out early. But, come on, do you really want to end the year with an argument, of all things?”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
Reggie grumbled, rolling his eyes a bit.
“I think you know exactly what I mean.”
It was Sarah’s turn to grumble. Another thing she didn’t want to recall. It was still ringing in her ears, like tinnitus. It had been that loud, that destructive. The growing emptiness that threatened to swallow her apartment… no amount of bottles or spliffs could ever attempt to fill it.
She turned, signaling the bartender for another drink. Taking it from a shelf behind him, the bartender then popped the cap and slid the bottle to her. Sarah caught it, swinging it up to her lips, smooth.
She would have argued with Reggie on that point, but she drowned those words with another swig.
“Fine,” she said, “I’ll let you off the hook this time.”
“I appreciate your benevolence,” Reggie said.
“So, y’all have any resolutions for next year?” Tone asked. Another change in the subject. “Do people actually make those?”
“They do,” Sarah said. “Whether or not they keep it is another matter, entirely.”
“Good point.”
“Resolutions,” Reggie mused. He was actually putting some thought into this. He set a hand across his belly. “Maybe I should work on cutting this down.”
“That’s a classic one,” Tone said. “Also the hardest one to keep. Good luck.”
“I did say maybe. What about you, then?”
“Me? I ain’t even bother with that shit. No point.”
“Good to know you haven’t changed in…” Reggie pretended to check a watch on his wrist that wasn’t actually there, “Ten minutes.”
Tone sipped and finished his second bottle. Sarah was about to catch up with him.
“You?”
Sarah breathed. She felt her breath getting thick and heavy.
“Sarah?”
Sarah looked at Reggie. “Huh?”
“You have any resolutions for next year?” Reggie asked.
A question she didn’t have an immediate answer to. Trying to form one was like wading through a haze, made more clouded by the added, seeping mist of drink.
Reflecting on the past year. Having to extrapolate on everything that happened and finding what she could do better.
But that meant sorting through memories she wasn’t ready to face, opening wounds that hadn’t fully healed yet. She had showed up tonight to try and get her mind off all that shit, not focus on it more, magnifying it with a glass full of alcohol.
And what’s the lesson to be learned, anyways? Don’t get cut like that again? Don’t put myself in a position to be cut so deeply?
No. Through the haze and miasma of the past year, one thing began to solidify. Something she could hold, control, pull and manipulate on her own.
Sarah finished the rest of her drink. It didn’t clear her mind, but it did give her something to say, and hearing it out loud might break through the ringing in her ears. Might make it real.
“I want to take control of something,” Sarah answered. “I don’t even care what that something is. Maybe my own damn self, finally grow up and take that back. I just hate either running away from connections or getting twisted up in ones that’s pointed in every direction that isn’t coming from me. For once… I want to be the one that’s holding the strings.”
“That sounds like a tall order,” Reggie said. “You up for it?”
“Honestly? I have no fucking idea on what I just said.”
“Then you need to slow down by a lot. There, that’s my resolution. To not be the one that’s dragging your drunk ass back home every time we go out.”
“Hey, I can handle my shit.”
Sarah tilted away from Reggie’s incredulous glare.
“I can learn how to control it,” she said.
His glare didn’t break. “Prove it by not having another drink, tonight.”
Her bottle slammed down when she went to set it aside. Harder than she intended.
“I give you the same challenge then!”
Reggie shrugged, a relaxed air about him. “My sobriety isn’t the one being questioned here, but sure.”
He set his bottle down. He still had only a few drops left.
“I’ll match you,” he said, cool.
She had nothing else to say to that. The only way to win this now was to beat him at this game of his.
There was stress in trying to win, though, and Sarah hadn’t come here to add more on her mind. As far as this night was going, it wasn’t, in a manner of thinking.
But, if she couldn’t even do this, then she’d might as well drink herself under the table now, render herself unable to get up to greet the coming year on her two feet. It would almost be fitting, letting the weight of the past year continue to drag her down. The top of the year introduced the cuts, the middle let those wounds run deeper, even tearing off completely in some parts, and now, if she chose to, Sarah could let herself crumble from growing imbalance. An emptiness she couldn’t find what to fill it with.
She could feel herself wanting to reach out, her hands waiting to brush against something, to grab it and pull it in, close. The bottle was right there.
Breathe in, breathing out was much less easy.
“You guys really know how to keep the party going,” Tone said. As though to taunt them, Sarah especially, he called over his third drink, and guzzled down the length of the bottleneck. He breathed out, satisfied.
“It was his idea,” Sarah said, pointing with both hands to Reggie. She paused, suppressing a burp. “I honestly don’t have a problem that’s worth addressing.”
“Well, if it’s really not a problem, then you’ll have no problem getting through the rest of the night without another drop.”
Reggie said that with a joking kind of inflection.
“You really are just fucking with me, aren’t you?”
Reggie was smiling, now. “Guilty as charged.”
It was Sarah’s turn to glare at him, but she couldn’t help but smile, too, even if it felt dumb.
She still have every intention to beat Reggie at this game. She could control it. Prove it to him, prove it to herself. That she was holding the strings on this.
Wanting to toss in another topic of conversation, Sarah was about to say something, but in a second all sound was stolen from the room.
The whole crowd inside the restaurant shifted, turning in one particular direction. Reggie and Tone did, too. Sarah was almost compelled by a universal force to turn as well. To be pulled as well.
At the front of the restaurant. Two people had come in. All eyes were on them.
One stood out immediately. A little girl with her hands around a box half her size, totally comfortable with where she was right now. Short hair framed her already small face, like the painted head of a doll. Choker around her neck, a heavy bomber jacket a few sizes too big, almost hanging over the hem of her skirt. Black leggings and boots covered her legs and feet.
That girl, Sarah knew. Or she knew of her. Her pranks and antics had sewn chaos among not just the Ghosts, but several other gangs that were within their weight class. Lawrence had made his disdain for her well known, he nearly lost his mind over it.
But, she was here, now. For once, her penchant for panic managed to help and turn things around for Lawrence and the Ghosts. By nearly blowing up East Stephenville into the sky, but it somehow worked out.
She was here, and her reputation was more than twice her height. It preceded her. And everyone was hit by a sudden tenseness that gripped them tight.
Sarah was more curious than anything else.
Lawrence was the one to approach the pair, being able to move while everyone else was frozen stiff. Maybe because he was getting to be on the same wavelength as them, now? He did agree to work with them, and that offer extended to this point in time. They weren’t just Ghosts, now, they were leading the rest. And it wasn’t like anyone could get a say in it.
The three of them were too far to catch anything Lawrence and the girls were saying. Lawrence pointed to the box, and she pushed it into his arms, fluffing up the bow on top. She laughed with little regard to who was watching her. A gap in her teeth.
Lawrence set the box down by the door, out of the way and mostly out of sight. Didn’t seem like it was a set up for a prank on an already suspecting crowd.
They continued conversing, and it soon became clear that they weren’t here to cause trouble, not directly. Everyone else, the normal people, did what they could to settle back to the equilibrium that they had before the pair’s intrusion. They didn’t get it quite right, but they could still find some way to relax.
“So that’s really them,” Reggie said, eyes still on them. “Crazy.”
Sarah’s eyes were still locked on them, too, but they found another target.
The other girl. Taller than D, older, yet less certain of her place, here. And from how she held herself, standing behind D, one arm folded over another, glancing around the rest of restaurant. She looked more like a lost kid than the actual kid who actually looked out of place.
Her hair was cut short. Black, reaching just past her jawline. Skin whiter than… Sarah would have connected it to snow, but it didn’t snow here much. Pale like… a wound that finally healed into a scar. A faint line. An old, faded thing.
Dark clothes, jeans that weren’t super skinny. It was a simple outfit, but it was more wearing her than the other way around. Like she still had to work on being conscious on what her style was going to be, in terms of fashion.
Still, though, she still looked cute.
“Is that…” Sarah started, but she didn’t need to finish. The others caught on.
“I think it is,” Reggie said. “The Bluemoon herself, or V, whichever she goes by now.”
Sarah watched V with even more intensity. The world’s first superhuman, having once been a superhero, was now going to join their gang as a leader? And that was what she looked like under that mask?
She felt her lips dry. She needed something to drink.
“I’m shocked that she can show her face here,” Tone said.
“Why not?” Reggie asked.
Tone brought his voice to a whisper. “She’s the reason the Chariot fell apart and why the Ghosts were struggling for a minute.”
“She’s also the reason why the Ghosts are starting to turn things around, now. Sure, I get it, but do we have a choice? And now that we know what she looks like under that mask, it’ll be harder to walk away. It’s like we signed a death clause the moment we saw her eyes.”
Her eyes. The girl was still blinking, taking everything in. Sarah wondered how she might look in glasses.
“What’s her name?” Sarah asked, still transfixed.
“I… don’t know actually.”
That’s fine. Should be easy to get.
“How old is she? Looks kind of young.”
“Don’t ask me. I think she’s Asian, and I don’t want to make it into a thing where I guess because I’ll just come across as-”
Reggie stopped.
“Sarah? Sarah no.”
She looked from V to Reggie. “What?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and let me be the first to tell you… it would be the worst idea you ever had.”
Sarah put her hands up. “I wasn’t thinking of anything.”
Reggie’s glare didn’t break. It went back to bearing into her.
“That’s our boss, now, Sarah. I’m telling you right now to just stop and set your sights somewhere else.”
She took a more defensive position, situating herself away from the bar. She moved her arms, forming a ‘X.’
“Hey, hey, enough with the presumptions. I was just curious, can I not be curious about our new super overlord?”
“Curiosity was what got you into your last mess,” Reggie said.
Hearing that was like a hit to the stomach. The instinct to grab her drink and finish it came back, hard.
She didn’t, though.
“Don’t bring her up,” Sarah said, a warning tone. “Don’t.”
“Alright, okay,” Reggie said. He slouched a bit, as though it was a gesture, a half-bow. “Just promise me you’ll leave this well alone.”
“I will,” Sarah said, rushed, not really considering her own words. “Gosh, is that how you really see me? I don’t pounce on every girl I come across.”
“That’s obvious, Sarah, I know that. I’m just looking out-”
“Well don’t, okay? Not now. Fuck, this isn’t how I wanted the year to end.”
“Good thing the year ended already.”
Sarah and Reggie both looked at Tone.
He met them with a bored look on his face.
“It’s past midnight. Happy new year.”
They both checked their phones. He was right. How did they lose track of time?
Sarah turned, her eyes somehow found her again.
V was with D and Lawrence, conversing about matters Sarah would never know the particulars of. V looked so… adrift, like she didn’t have a legitimate anchor to hold her down. There were no strings attached to her.
Sarah could feel a compulsion to reach out, her heart beating at the prospect, solidifying harder from a thing to a resolution. A hard pull.
But this time, the strings could be in her hands.
—
The car parked in front of an apartment. It was running, the engine humming a low tone. No troubles with this one, it was working fine, with a promise to last much longer than that old, broken thing she had before.
Sarah stretched her hands out.
“Thank you,” Wendy said.
“Of course,” Sarah said, like it was part of a routine. But it still came from a genuine place. As genuine as anything else.
She had followed her directions, turning where Wendy had indicated, heading to wherever she wanted. As if she was pulling the strings.
It wasn’t quite like that. It wouldn’t be. Not allowing some give would be too constricting, the balance wouldn’t be right. She had to give room for some slack, some room for things to breathe. Because if she didn’t, any added stress might cause too much tension, too quickly. It might snap.
Wendy asked her to take her to this place. Wendy, in very many senses, was her superior, but Sarah wanted to think that she had this one over her. This string. That she let her pull it.
But, it wouldn’t have gotten this far if that connection wasn’t real, tangible. And, from what Sarah gathered from all the hints and flirts, she wasn’t being pushed away or shut down. She was here, sitting in her newer car.
That had to account for something.
It made her heart race faster than the drive that got them here.
Sarah caught herself taking another look at Wendy. She couldn’t stop herself.
As cute as ever, maybe even more so, if not very fatigued. But that was understandable. She had probably run herself ragged in executing this operation, among other… things. Sarah wasn’t there for the grittier details, she had been allowed to excuse herself.
She did have her involvement, though. Being there, in the crowd, while Lawrence put on his performance, Sarah acting as a spectator. In one sense, she really was one. She was able to watch these three as they worked together, observing from the sidelines as they concocted these plans and games, schemes. Plotting like how mad geniuses or villains would.
It was… funny, even, to see someone like Lawrence in their ranks now.
Lawrence had changed, and Wendy did, too. Or at least, Sarah was able to see the different sides of Wendy. Sides that no one else had gotten to see, maybe even sides of herself that Wendy might not be aware of. But that wasn’t a detraction, Sarah didn’t think any less of her. Rather, the opposite was true. It added to that attraction, the string that connect her to Wendy.
The thread that was becoming more red.
A loose sweater, jeans that had a hole across one knee, but that looked more from actual wear and tear, rather than being bought or made like that.
Wendy had glasses now. It served to make her look even more attractive.
Sarah would have kicked herself for seemingly having a type. But there was a difference, now. She was the older one, the taller one. She was the one with experience.
Sarah had her hands on the wheel. She was the one driving this time.
Sarah watched, entranced, as Wendy cycled through different motions. Fidgeting with her glasses, rubbing her hands and arms, licking and biting her lips. Looking up, looking down. Agitated. Nervous.
“Cold?” Sarah asked.
All Wendy did was nod. It took some time before she could say, “I am, actually.”
“I can fix that for you.”
Sarah fixed that for her, reaching to adjust the knob, and the temperature. It was slight, but the interior of the car heated up.
Wendy seemed to appreciate that. She wasn’t fidgeting as much, not being as anxious in her movements. Her eyes betrayed her, though, as they remained locked on a specific point up ahead, somewhere past the windshield.
There had been a dash of hope, that Wendy was inviting her over to spend the night, but as the drive continued and got farther away from the city, that possibility became less likely. Wendy wouldn’t have lived that far from the gang and the territory. She seemed the type to want to keep everything important close at hand, and distance having to travel meant time that could go to waste.
A small smile formed across Sarah’s lips. She liked that she was even able to venture a guess on Wendy’s thought process.
Setting her hands in her own lap, Sarah tried to follow Wendy’s gaze. Too many apartments, she could narrow it down but it wasn’t exact.
She decided to ask.
“So, where are we?”
Wendy bit her lip. Pink, with a subtle streak of red across the bottom. The contrast colors was made more apparent against how pale her skin was.
Sarah bit her own lip.
She had to wait for an answer. Having gotten closer to Wendy in recent weeks, and being sincere in learning every bit of what made her tick, she was starting to get an understanding of the different tells. The slight crease between her eyebrows when was deep in thought, the rapid blinking when she was put on the spot. She’d heard from Wendy before, how she wanted to be seen as a monster, but having seen those small, rare moments, it just made her so much more human.
Finally, Wendy did answer.
“Do you… remember when I mentioned that I wasn’t a fan of my past self? Who I used to be?”
Sarah answered, “You’ve brought it up, once or twice.”
Wendy rubbed her arms again.
“That’s it. There’s where that past self came from.”
Sarah tried searching through the gloom. It was late, and there were so many apartments it was hard to figure out which one she was indicating, exactly.
“Not sure I follow,” Sarah said. “I thought you got your powers at that barn we visited.”
“No, not that. Here. The apartment there on the left. That’s… that’s where I used to live.”
There, the apartment on the left. Wendy pointed it out and Sarah found it.
“That was the home of Alexis Barnett.”
“Alexis Barnett…”
The name wasn’t a familiar one, sounding foreign as it crossed Sarah’s lips. How it hit her ears, it didn’t make any sense at all. Who was Alexis to Wendy?
“This is where you came from?”
“In a sense,” Wendy said, despondent.
This was obviously a touchy subject, a sore spot, a raw wound that would burn at just the slightest brush of contact. Better avoided, if possible. Sarah wasn’t a stranger to that concept.
She waited some more, until Wendy was better able to approach that wound properly.
Wendy attempted her approach.
“While you and D kept an eye on Lawrence, I had a talk with Natalie Beckham. I tried to find out what she knew about John Cruz, on us, but she was more interested in revealing what she knew about her. Or, me.”
The fracture between those pronouns. That obvious division. It didn’t go over Sarah’s head.
“Natalie knew about this, too? But, hold on, I’m a bit confused on who-”
“Alexis Barnett was, she was an old name, an old self,” Wendy said, stammering through her explanation. “She was Blank Face, but after a time… it was something I knew I needed to get away from, because that wasn’t working. It was too… I can’t find the word.”
“Constricting?” Sarah suggested.
“That works.”
“What was Alexis like?”
“I…”
Wendy was fumbling. Her overall disposition, and as her hands dug into her pockets. She took out her phone, hands shaking as swiped her password, typing on the screen.
“That’s the thing,” Wendy said. “I had done my level best, trying to avoid an answer to that question, but I knew I wouldn’t be happy with anything I’d have to say… but…”
Wendy passed Sarah her phone.
Taking it, squinting as the screen was too bright, Sarah read the words on the screen, the spelling of the name. A short article about the girl.
A picture was attached in the article. She looked just like Wendy, which wasn’t surprising, she supposed. Her hair was longer, though, wearing a smile that was bigger than any she’d seen on Wendy. More often than not, her smiles were reserved ones, belying what she was really feeling on the inside. Which was as alluring to Sarah as it was disappointing, that Wendy couldn’t feel like she could be that open.
Sarah skimmed through the article. It was all news to her. She picked out a few details, how she was a student, that she played in the school’s volleyball team, quotes from her old coach and teachers. Her mother. How Alexis was a cheery girl, sociable, bright and kind to anyone she met.
She sounded so normal.
Sarah set the phone down. She stopped reading before the image in her head could shift and warp any further.
Wendy was the real one to her. It was her, that Sarah’s strings were attracted to. Wanting and working to be attached to.
“Now everyone can know,” Wendy said, voice cracking.
“This was just published?” Sarah asked.
“Right before Natalie… It was her final move. Her way of trying to put me in checkmate. Didn’t work.”
“I didn’t see any mentions of Blank Face or V or the Fangs. Just, um, Alexis.”
“Yeah. She knew all of that but she kept it out of the story. But I don’t know why. She refused to give that up.”
“No,” Wendy added, shaking her head. “She mentioned why. She was setting up for something, and it didn’t require her being here to set it off.”
“You sure about that? I only scanned it, but I didn’t see any mention of Blank Face in the story. From the looks of it, this is probably going to be forgotten in a week. The news cycle moves fast. Too fast, sometimes.”
“I’m certain of it,” Wendy said. “She was willing to die to put this out, before anything else. We might have taken them out as an immediate threat, but I don’t think this is the last time we’ll hear of their movements.”
“If you say so.”
She wasn’t going to question that line of thinking. That was Wendy’s job, to consider all those options, when enemies were everywhere, in the light and in the shadows.
But, that kind of thinking could break a person, the stress of it all weighing to heavy on the mind. Sarah worried.
“But what brings you here? What’s brought you back?”
There was a long pause from Wendy.
“I don’t know,” Wendy said. “It felt like I had to see it for myself, again. When she brought it up, it all came crashing into my head, like rush of water I was trying to hold back. Dammit. She asked me if all of this was worth it. I spend so much effort to make my own name and she keeps finding some way to intrude. Over and over. Fuck!”
Wendy put her hands into her face, rubbing her eyes. She had to adjust her glasses when she finished.
Sarah got it. She totally did.
“You came back, to see if you could walk away from it, still resolute. If you’ve grown from this place. I get it.”
Closure, Sarah thought.
“Part of growing up is being able to come back, right?”
The last time she tried that. Going home and taking Celeste with her. That terrible, terrible dinner. The first of the cuts that began to run deep, enough to snap a string into two.The worst Thanksgiving break of her life.
“It is,” Sarah said. “But you don’t have to force it. Everyone has their own pace. Rushing it can… it can lead to a mess.”
Holes you can’t fill.
“Maybe. You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so tired.”
“Remember what Lawrence said? You don’t have to apologize.”
Wendy just kept shaking her head.
“You always know what to say, Sarah.”
Brief, but Sarah reminisced on another, earlier time.
“You have to hear it first before you can repeat it to someone else. Live it.”
“Could… I ask you another favor?”
“Anything,” Sarah said, meaning it.
“Could you just knock on the door? I want to see who answers.”
“You want me to do what? It’s pretty late.”
Wendy sighed, sounding jittery.
“You’re right, shouldn’t have mentioned it. I-”
“I mean, I can,” Sarah said, unbuckling her seatbelt, hand on the door. “Can’t promise if anyone will show up.”
“That’s fine, I just want to see.”
“Should I say anything?”
“You don’t have to.”
Sarah considered it. Didn’t take her long.
Keeping the key in the ignition to keep the car warm, Sarah got out of the car.
The walk was quick but uncertain. She couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was out of place. Because she was. But it was a feeling she’d have to fight.
She had the apartment in mind as she went up the stairs, able to find it when she reached the top level. She was sure this was it.
Quick but uncertain. She had to do this for her. She had to put some slack in again. To let the hook sink in.
Sarah knocked.
The wait was long. No surprise, it was late.
Sarah could sense where her car was parked, behind her. Wendy sitting inside. The pull of a string.
The lock tumbling out, first. The creaking of the door. Louder as the noise echoed into the night sky.
A woman stood before Sarah.
Short, shorter than Wendy. Uncanny. Disturbing, somehow, almost like seeing a vision of her, many years later. After all the stress and heaviness of life began to take its toll, leaving a broken constitution that no power could really keep up forever. For all her strength, that only meant that Wendy was pushing herself more than anyone should ask of themselves. Her body might be super, but her mind and spirit was human. It would have to be.
The woman’s shoulders were inward, her posture shrunk in, her hair long and disheveled, eyes red and baggy, carrying tears that had to have been wiped away just before the door was open. A bundle of blankets were draped over her, making her look even smaller.
There was still a beauty to her. It had to have been gotten from somewhere.
Sarah knew that pain. Deep, almost naked in its intimacy. She knew who this woman was.
Blinking, slow, laborious, the woman raised her head to look at Sarah.
Sarah had already considered her words. What she’d do.
It was what she should have done, that day.
Sarah took a step back, at an angle from the doorframe. So she wouldn’t be blocking the woman from being seen from outside.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Sarah said, having to play another part tonight. “Looks like I got lost, I’ll find my own way.”
The woman didn’t reply, probably still discombobulated from having been roused out of bed at an ungodly hour.
Sarah kept the act going, already backing up some more.
“I’ll leave you alone, have a good night.”
She lingered a second longer than she needed to, just so the woman could linger at the door a second longer.
This was the home she left behind. And that was what happened to it in her absence.
Sarah understood that.
Then, Sarah left. Slow, but certain, she went back to her car. The apartment door and the car door closed at about the same time.
Sarah returned to a different scene. A different side of Wendy.
Her face was buried in her hands. Body trembling, shoulders sinking in, folding into her emotions that were now rushing forward, overpowering her.
She was weeping. Maybe it wasn’t born from regret, but rather acceptance of a loss she felt she needed. A wound she was finally tending to.
Letting it out.
Sarah understood that, too. She wished she could have had that at a much earlier time in her life.
But, now, all she could take back was control.
Broken people, doing broken things to try and fix themselves. Jagged edges that rub against each other, as if they could smooth it all over. They’d try, they’d hope.
Like a strings reaching to finally tie them together, Sarah threaded her fingers around Wendy’s, lifting them up.
Gently, Sarah moved them away from her face. She leaned over, her lips brushing barely past hers.
Then she pulled, ever so slightly, until Wendy was pressed into her.
Light, enough to make one faint.
Wendy trembled again, but it was different, a more shocked reaction. This was fine. Sarah knew how to work with that. Sarah moved her hands so she could remove Wendy’s glasses. Tossed somewhere, she already forgot.
Soft touches passed like moments, momentary. They stole Wendy’s breath, letting Sarah get a better hold on how things were to go, on Wendy herself.
Tongue, a barely felt nibble. Lessons exchanged.
Sarah’s hands moved elsewhere, lower, over fabric. She was sensitive. She knew how to hold it in her hands. It had been a lesson exchanged, once before.
Wendy arched her back, surprising herself that she could even react like that. Sarah was craving for moments like that. She was wanting for something to drink.
Needed more.
They shifted, a little clumsy from the lack of space. Sarah managed to fit her knee between Wendy’s legs. Placing it there, firm, insistent, intent to teach.
Like a connection that was getting stronger, Sarah felt Wendy angle her hips.
A part of her was already satisfied. Everything she wanted, what she thought she needed. To be the one in this position, this time. To be able to lead, to have the strings and pull. To play.
A much larger part of was thirsty for much more.
Wendy continued moving her hips, Sarah kept her leg in place for her. The car didn’t cough, hiccup, burp, sputter. The sound that filled inside was a delicate moan, that Sarah promptly stole from Wendy with another kiss.
A moment was coming. No. Not here, it wasn’t enough. Not yet.
Sarah pulled back, and smiled as Wendy leaned forward, still wanting for more. Her tears had already dried. A trace of salt graced Sarah’s lips as she then licked hers.
Her fingers traveled down Wendy’s arms, to her hands and fingers, leading them down between her legs. She drew the letter ‘O.’
Wendy shuddered as she tried to make sense of everything. Everything.
“I don’t… I don’t know…”
Sarah stole that, too, taking her breath with yet another kiss.
“It’s okay,” she replied. “Let me lead the way.”
With just a nod, Wendy let her.
Then, by a thread, Sarah led the way.
Entirely Presenting You 